My Journey Towards the Future - Sara's Story

Sara is a survivor and alumni of My Refuge House. Her emotional and psychological journey reflects the toll that trauma like being the victim of sex trafficking can take on one's life, self esteem, and future. This blog has been lightly edited for proper translation and clarity. 

After a long wait, I finally enrolled at the University of Bohol as a Criminology student. This breakthrough came after years questioning my capacity, my capability, my future, and self-improvement within the struggles of my confusing life. How could I progress in life without job-hopping and starting over again and again with the same career status? Little by little and through self-doubt, I found the answers. ​

I had a wonderful job, and great colleagues I could call on, but around May 16, 2023, I decided to stop working at Dinghow Dimsum store at Banawa Cebu. Around this time, I knew the company was torn about choosing to keep me on, or let me go due to my performance. I was great at customer service, and had many instances of positive feedback from customers on the website, and through my manager, earning a certificate for my excellent service, and even receiving an appreciation gift of chocolate and perfume from a customer. Even with all of the positive feedback I had difficulties in my attendance and tardiness. Management kept giving me many chances because they appreciated my excellent service to the customers. They were very considerate about my behavior, but I felt too guilty about the trouble I caused to the operation of the restaurant. I kept on asking myself why I have such difficulty focusing on my career. I knew I needed time to work on strengthening the best version of myself.

I was also inspired by my partner Liberty to make this big life change. She has always been by my side throughout the years with many dreams and plans for her life. She graduated with a bachelor of science in social work with a dream to work in the government to earn a high income. After she graduated, we prayed for many months that her application would be considered, and our prayers were answered! She became employed in her desired job as a government social worker in the Department of Social Welfare. Seeing her reaching her dreams made me ask ‘how about me?’ and made me think more seriously about my future, and eventually leave my job.

The day after I quit, I was all alone in our place. Liberty had been assigned in Bohol, far from our home that we lived in at the time. Without work or plans, I felt stuck and stagnant for a month. I was so down and I didn't know where I should start again. I had many negative thoughts and questions about myself on how to stand up again to work for my future. I always shared my thoughts and feelings with Liberty who helped me through my struggles and confusion. She advised me, saying "It's up to you, love. Ask yourself what you really want in your life. I'm just here to support you whatever it is." ​

Day after day, Liberty and I had deep conversations about what I want, and my plans. One night, she started asking me “Should I stay with a person with no progress and plans for the future? How about me? Do you have any plans for our future? How about what I expect from you?” Suddenly my world stopped, and time stopped, and I saw only a wide space where Liberty and I were. All I could answer her was that I was still planning. That night I cried a lot, and started questioning my life. Did I deserve to be with Liberty? If I don’t inspire her, am I effective as a partner? Liberty has been my support since day one. I really love her, and don't want to lose her. ​

The next morning we had a video chat where I mentioned going back to school. We talked about what went wrong with my last scholarship in 2014. At that time I was so naive - all I knew was having fun outside school without thinking I'm already losing focus on my studies. My mind was refreshed with this feeling of eagerness to go back to school. I believe this time I will be more focused on finishing my studies. I realize now that I owe Liberty plans for our future. I worry about expenses going back to school, and the outcome, and sometimes question if the Lord is still working in my life, but trust He's working in his greatest way. ​

The Consent Retreat in June 2023 was the most heavy yet inspiring event I ever experienced. We talked about trauma, and its triggers, effects, and how to overcome them. We learned the strength in sharing your story whether it is one of success, or still a work in progress, is the inspiration it can bring to others in their struggles. I learned that there is no time limit on progressing in life. Even if you feel you are getting nowhere, progress moves you slowly step by step toward who you want to become. Struggles, triggers, self blame, questioning self worth only mean you are aware of the work you are doing, even if others cannot see it. 

I am aware of my struggles, and now understand that I am still working on my triggers. The Consent Retreat showed me the overwhelming emotion that I did not consider. They taught us how to fight, how to control, and how to self-focus in the face of these emotions, and I found a clearer mindset, clearer plans, and clearer actions to take if I start struggling with myself. 

Another activity at the retreat involved an organization invited to talk about their new educational programs. One of the programs allowed us to re-apply to their educational scholarship without any expense. Liberty was also there, and we were so happy about this announcement. Initially, our plan involved Liberty paying my expenses in exchange for my focus on finishing my studies. Now with the chance to re-apply for the third scholarship, Liberty would no longer have to cover my studies. Liberty and I decided that I will be staying in Bohol, and moved all my things there. So as I said, God is working in His greatest ways. ​

After the event, I directly contacted the staff in charge of the scholarship. Within the next few days, I had my virtual interview for my scholarship application. I had prepared myself for their questions addressing why I suddenly want to go back to school. I answered that I had been working in different companies, jumping from one job to another, and now I have decided to go back to school to make progress in my life and be the best version of myself. I communicated my eagerness to finish my studies, and to have professional growth in order to provide myself a clearer path with the guidance of the Lord, and prove this will is the end of my story. The interviewer also questioned me about the 2014 scholarship that I wasted, and asked how that would be different from my current situation. I told them that I was young with no goals and no realization about what would happen if I didn’t finish. But now I have plans for my life. ​

After the interview, I waited for updates on my application for three weeks. During that time, I was dispirited, uneasy, and had difficulty sleeping. I thought maybe they refused my application due to my history with their scholarship. I had already moved to Bohol, and was alone everyday with Liberty at work. Daily, I would prepare breakfast, clean the house, wash clothes, and complete all the chores in the house. When Liberty got home, I prepared dinner. Actually, my life felt quite peaceful. But the silence also made room for all the negative emotion. Luckily I had access to counseling which helped a lot. I got so frustrated every time the staff told me the application was still in progress. Sometimes, I would call Liberty who said I would pursue studies with or without a scholarship which helped me to have a confident mindset. 

Finally, I heard back that my application was declined. While reading the messages I cried. They also said that even though they did not approve my application, they will monitor me during my 1st and 2nd semester if I enroll, and consider my application if they see that I am truly determined to pursue and finish my studies. Even though I was declined, still I have hopes that they will consider my application and help me to finish my studies. 

The next day, I was officially enrolled at the University of Bohol for a Bachelor of Science in Criminology! Though the day before was tough, after I was enrolled in this university, I knew God is really working in His mysterious ways! ​

​Thank you to my partner Liberty, who paid my enrollment fees, and has been my support since day one. She wants to see me become successful someday with a degree. As for expenses or my tuition fees, Liberty helped me to apply for the educational assistance in DSWD which grants me assistance without burdening Liberty. Now, I feel happy and blissful. I’m blessed because I know this is my life's biggest breakthrough, and the biggest step toward my future and dreams. August 14 was my first class of the semester. I know this may not be a perfect semester but I know I will make it.